year one

year 1 journal page

year 1 journal page detail

It was Aoife’s first day back at school today.

Year one.

And it hit me really hard. Really hard.

I had to use every ounce of self-control this morning to keep my voice steady and smile fixed when I dropped her off. Every ounce of self-control not to break down in front of her.

I was so sad to see her go.

And truth be told, I worried about her. Because underneath that happy-go-lucky, little miss  independent exterior is a very sensitive little girl. She feels deeply, and we’ve had so many emotional ups and downs the last 18 months with her going from being the centre of our universe to being one of two, me becoming seriously ill and going into hospital unexpectedly, her starting school, her daddy totalling a car, her granddad dying…the list goes on.

Those things are hard enough for a grown up to take in, let alone a sensitive five year old. So we’ve worked really hard as a family this summer to make her feel secure again, to make her feel loved, appreciated, trusted, wanted. And we were only just getting our groove back when the 6 weeks were up.

So I worried. And swallowed back lump after lump trying to compose myself.

But she bounced in, happy as Larry, without a backwards glance. In fact I had to call her back to give us a kiss god bye! She was chomping at the bit to go in, to start her new life, and catch up with all her old friends.

Relief. Sweet relief.

Comments

  1. Beautiful post about how difficult it is to let go of our children. They are also very resilient. As long as we keep it together and are strong they feel safe. I’m sorry for all your loses and challenges in the last 18 months. Wishing you peace and love.

    • Thank you Suzanne! Yes, they are so resilient, thank goodness. I have found in Aoife though, and I guess it is true for most kids (?), that she needs a lot of help processing thoughts and feelings she can’t really decipher/ express herself yet.

  2. Carin, I understand that relief. It’s easier (somewhat) to let them go when they show you they’ll be okay. I love the video and seeing how that wonderful page in your art journal was created.

    • Angie- yes! There is a girl in Aoife’s class who cried every single morning last year when her mum dropped her off. It would have broken my heart. It is so much easier to let them go when they’re fine about it.

  3. Oh, Carin, that must have been such a difficult day for you. I hope Aoife had a fun first day and is excited about the new school year.

  4. What a great way to capture that first day! Love the way the pictures pops on all your layers of paint!

  5. Beautiful post Carin… love your art journal page… and the video is soooooo sweet… Aoife is gorgeous… as I look back over the years with my now grown up children…. and remember the varying degrees of letting go… from child to adult… I think it is lovely Carin… that you are documenting those chapters… for both of you… and the raw emotion that goes along with that…

    Hugs
    Jenny x

  6. Hi Carin,

    I love your blog! Your artwork is amazing. This collage of your daughter is just precious. What an unforgettable keepsake. I too am struggling with the growth of my children – it seems like this year they are growing in their sleep and wake up taller, older, ugh. We can only hug them and take it all in, right?

    xoxomichele

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