Why memory-keeping matters

We live in a time when memory-keeping is easier than ever. We can  share the stories of our lives in ways previous generations never could. Notebooks are relatively cheap and easily available; most of us carry cameras in our pockets and can take photos and videos of every aspect of our lives; we can share highlights on social in an instant. Yet we seem to actually do less with our memories than ever before. 

When I chat with other mums, the general consensus seems to be overwhelm. We have so many photos on our phones we don’t know how to begin sorting them, let alone turn them into something that can be enjoyed again and again or shared with the people who matter the most to us. So we leave them to collect dust on devices and hard drives, relying on our memory to see us through later, or throw up a quick post on Facebook.

But the sad fact is that our memory is not reliable, and neither are the social platforms we use. No matter how good our memory is, our memory of the events in our lives will probably fade as time goes on. And technology moves so fast we don’t know how long our current favourite apps or sites will be around. Our best bet is to write things down as they happen.  It doesn’t have to take long.

 

 

Our stories matter

What’s the big deal? What’s so special about memory-keeping?

I lost my dad in my early twenties, long before the kids were born, so they never got to know him. They hardly got to know their grandparents on the Irish side either. But our photos and stories keep them alive. Now, as a mum, I feel responsible for keeping the memories of our family alive and passing them down.

Our lives are more than just timelines, they are stories, and our stories matter. They are a personal connection to both the past and the future. They ground us and shape us.  

When we document our memories, our stories become clearer. We see them with new eyes. The things that are important to us stand out. They help us see the bigger picture.They give us insight and, sometimes, compassion where needed, for both ourselves and others. They help us see the funny in the odd things that happen to us. And if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, they help us grow.  

When we keep memories, we record everyday details that may otherwise get lost. We show the people who matter to us what real life is like at this moment. We record a bit of history from our perspective.

And when we share our stories with the special people in our lives, we grow closer to them. They get to see us for who we really are.

Why now?

It’s so tempting to put memory-keeping off until the kids are older, when we think we’ll have more time. But more time a myth because we always find something else to fill it. Now is just right, even if our lives are chaotic. There are usually ways around it.

If we jot down our stories now, as they happen, they are so much easier to remember and will be more alive, more fleshed out. And the job of memory-keeping won’t seem so overwhelming because there isn’t as much to do in one go.

That is not to say that all hope is lost if we do it later. It isn’t. I’m just about to start a new project sorting out most of Aoife’s papers from nursery and primary school and it’s a massive job. I have been putting it off for ages for that very reason. But I know it will be worth it, so I have spent some time planning it out, ready to start as soon as I get the supplies I need.

I also think it is really important to document mum life as it happens. We go on quite the journey too, from pregnancy to mum and beyond. We should recognise that.

Sharing to social

I get it. It’s incredibly tempting to use social media to keep track of and share memories, it’s so convenient, especially if you are already feeling overwhelmed, but there are a few reasons why we shouldn’t rely on it too much:

• Here today, gone tomorrow.
• Privacy
• Their stories to share

Here today gone tomorrow: Social is growing so fast. We’ve seen a lot of platforms come and go seemingly overnight. Your favourite one may seem a safe bet because it’s been around for years, but we don’t know what’s around the corner. We don’t want to lose all the precious stories we have shared there.

Privacy: Privacy is such a big issue right now and we all want our kids to be safe. There are quite a few things we shouldn’t post on social media for safety reasons. Sometimes they are the very things we want to remember.

Their stories to share: As our kids grow older, they (quite rightly) want more control of what we share about them on social media. My kids now go through a bit of a screening process before I share things. Often the answer is no.

When we screen what goes on social media, we miss many of the wonderful stories we’d like to record. When we keep memories in other ways, we can include them.

This is not to say we should be afraid to use technology in our memory-keeping. Technology can be a wonderful tool.

How do you get started?

Memory-keeping doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, the simpler it is the better because you are more likely to keep up with it. I’ll share some easy ways to get started in my next post.

What are your favourite family stories? Have you got them documented somewhere?