There’s a famous scene in The Matrix, where Neo is taken to see the Oracle to find out if he is The One (the saviour, who will ultimately destroy the Matrix). She gives him some cryptic answers, which he takes to mean that he isn’t.

Why doesn’t the Oracle give him a straight answer? Why doesn’t she tell him he is the One?

She tells him what he needs to know then and there. Not knowing the whole truth actually helps him take the necessary steps to become the One.

I have been thinking a lot about my childhood lately. Why, with the amount of drawing I did, did I never even consider being an artist? You hear about these people who know what they want to be when they are 5 and spend their lives going after it. So why did it take me till I turned 40 to realise ?

The simple answer… I didn’t think I could be.

Had somebody told me I’d be an artist when I grew up, I would have bailed. I would have laughed in their faces and run out that door. I would not have been ready to even contemplate it. Worst of all, I would have let comparison kill the dream before it got off the ground.

That’s who I was at the time.

Not knowing allowed me to take all the necessary steps I needed to take to get here. It allowed me to practise for the fun of it, try different media, and gain valuable life experiences that have coloured the kind of work I want to do.

But 2013 is the year I take the bull by the horn and work as an artist. This is the year I take action!

What’s your word of the year?


  1. I love this, Carin: “Not knowing allowed me to take all the necessary steps I needed to take to get here.” I totally agree that it’s not the knowing … it’s more the *being* and *doing*, right?

  2. As usual, a post that speaks to my heart. I hadn’t thought of myself as an artist or a writer until the last couple of years. I’m in the same boat. Why, oh why, did it take me 40 years to find myself?! The important thing is – we’re here now and we’re going to enjoy every minute of it. Hooray for action! Yippee for 2013! You go, girl!

  3. great post and interesting points about not being ready… I wonder if you parent in the same way or do you discuss creative career options with your children… is being awoken to your own creative career made you more open to it being an option for your kids??? I grew up where it wasn’t an option… you needed a real job, but now I find that I have no such stresses with my own daughter
    I haven’t chosen a word for this year and instead and just going to head into it all at a rate of knots like I usually do… I figure it has worked for me in the past so not going to mess with that…
    have a great week
    T xx

    • Tracey, so interesting that you bring that up because I cut a whole section of this post where I wrote about constantly comparing myself to my mother, who was offered a grant to art school at a young age and turned it down (without ever telling her parents) because she knew her parents still couldn’t afford it. Not only did I compare myself to her in a negative way, my parents pushed for “real” jobs. Knowing that she could have had a creative job confused me early on and made me think that maybe she knew what she was talking about, that creative jobs were not worth pursuing. Now I understand that on a deeper level. I am definitely more open with the way I parent. Great question! xo

      • It is interesting the effects that our experiences have on us as parents and it is so nice that we can move beyond our experiences and move in more open ways… one of the perks of being a creaive I suppose… and real jobs are always over rated in my experience xx

  4. LOVE LOVE it Carin… big fan of the Matrix too… your drawing is beautiful… and your 2013 word is perfect… can’t wait to see more of your gorgeous artwork this year…

    Jenny ♥

  5. Great choice of word for the year, and also some good points to ponder about the choices we make at the time.

  6. Wonderful post Carin. I love that you are going to be working as an artist this year!! Congratulations on taking action. If it makes you feel any better it took me 53 years to figure out that I wanted to write… last year was my year of action, finally and I got my website up. In 2013 I want to explore painting and having fun while continuing to write. Enjoy your journey. It is so rewarding once we acknowledge what it is we want to do and who we truly are. I’m so happy for you. xo


  1. […] started working its magic on my life. This year is no exception, but the very nature of the word (action), also makes it a bit scarier than most. There’s no hiding from a word like that. It’s […]

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